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“Sex doesn’t disappear, it just changes forms.” -Erica Jong
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Retirement is usually associated with quitting the work or profession you’ve engaged in for most of your life. Retirement doesn’t mean that you retire from relationships and intimacy. Changes occur in everyone’s body as aging proceeds.
This blog discusses those changes and what can facilitate intimacy and sexuality in retirement.
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Does the Beginning of Retirement signal the Beginning of the End of Sexuality?
Studies have suggested that sexual activity can last into the 80’s and even 90’s. Current trends indicate that people are living longer and are remaining healthier and more active for longer.
Many new medications such as Viagra, Cialis, Osphena, and HRT (hormone replacement therapy) are available and can aid in problems associated with sexual function and aging.
Aging and life transitions can create opportunities for couples to redefine how they relate to each other sexually. Some older adults strive for both an intimate and sexual relationship, but some couples are content with one of the two, and others may avoid any intimate or sexual relationship.
Aging doesn’t automatically mean the cessation of intimacy and sexual relationships. Many couples experience an increase in sexual satisfaction. Older couples have fewer distractions, more time and privacy, and no worries about unwanted pregnancies. Couples in long-term relationships may openly express what they want and need.
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Benefits of Intimacy After Retirement
*Health benefits– Positive romantic relationships may decrease stress levels, increase healing after surgeries, and foster healthier behavior and a longer lifespan.
*Psychological benefits– Positive relationships have been shown to decrease the tendency for depression and can increase levels of oxytocin (a hormone related to a positive emotional state.)
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Aging and Barriers to Intimacy
Physical factors– Physical changes to our bodies are a normal part of the aging process. These physical changes are currently unavoidable.
Decreasing hormone levels– decreasing hormone levels in both men and women cause physical changes that can be uncomfortable and undesirable. Many women complain that sex becomes more difficult due to vaginal dryness and thinning of the vaginal walls. Decreasing testosterone levels in men can lead to a range of problems like reduced sex drive, erectile dysfunction, decreased muscle mass, loss of body hair, fatigue, mood swings, depression, bone loss, increased body fat, and potential fertility issues.
Chronic pain– as people get older, they are more likely to experience persistent pain due to physiological changes associated with aging; this is often linked to conditions like osteoarthritis, impacting joints like the knees, hips, and lower back, making chronic pain a common concern for the elderly population.
Limited mobility– Limited mobility in aging can related to several factors, including:
- Chronic conditions: Arthritis, diabetes, and osteoporosis can all cause limited mobility.
- Reduced physical activity: A lack of physical activity can contribute to mobility issues.
- Obesity: Being overweight can contribute to limited mobility.
- Balance and coordination problems: Decreased balance and coordination can increase difficulty with movement.
- Muscle weakness: Muscle strength can decrease by as much as 50% from age 25 to 80.
- Reduced hearing and eyesight: Seniors may be nervous about moving around if they can’t see or hear well.
- Pain: Pain can contribute to mobility problems.
- Neurological difficulties: Brain and nervous system issues can contribute to mobility problems
Recovery from surgery– most surgeries require a recovery period after surgery. This recovery period and surgery can affect intimacy, especially if the surgery involves the genital areas (surgeries such as Hysterectomy, Mastectomy, or Prostatectomy.) Honest discussions with a healthcare provider may provide insight and relief from these problems.
Arthritis– although joint pain due to arthritis can make sex uncomfortable, treatments, such as exercise, medications, rest, warm baths, or joint replacement surgery may help with the pain.
Medical conditions such as diabetes, heart disease, incontinence, stroke, or obesity– physical and medical changes related to manifestations of some medical conditions may inhibit or prohibit sexual contact.
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Emotional factors–
Excess drinking of alcohol– alcohol interferes with the brain’s ability to communicate and can alter mood and behavior, making it harder to coordinate thinking and movement. Excess drinking with aging can make existing medical problems worse and can create dangerous interactions with medications. Alcohol abuse can increase the risk of falls, automobile accidents, and other adverse situations related to poor judgment.
Depression– feelings of isolation, ongoing illnesses, physical problems, or general dissatisfaction with life can precipitate depression, which is a mood disorder. Depression is a serious problem, but the good news is that depression gets better with treatment, counseling, or medicine.
Tiredness and exhaustion associated with chronic pain syndrome– the constant pain associated with some chronic medical conditions can cause exaggerated tiredness and exhaustion, and leave less energy for interest in sex. Chronic medical conditions are treated with different medications, but these medications sometimes have serious side effects.
Embarrassment or emotional problems resulting from medical conditions such as incontinence, vaginal dryness, or erectile dysfunction– embarrassment can result from the physical changes that occur with aging. Aging brings about changes in skin texture, weight, muscle mass, hair, and physical changes to the sex organs, such as incontinence, dryness, or erectile dysfunction, which affect sexual activity.
Performance anxiety– physical changes with aging that affect the ability to have sex can also create emotional problems, such as performance anxiety from the inability to adequately perform sexually. This anxiety can become a destructive loop as emotional problems further inhibit sexual function.
Fear of STDs ( sexually transmitted diseases.)– since unwanted pregnancies are not a concern with older adults, many adults engage in more and unprotected sex. This unprotected sex increases the risk of sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, genital herpes, hepatitis B, and genital warts. Increasing age does not protect elders from sexually transmitted diseases.
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Cognitive factors–
Dementia– patients in advanced stages of mental decline and severe dementia may not recognize a spouse or partner. Some dementia patients may express or show an increased interest in sex or physical intimacy but not express themselves appropriately. Sexual interest may not be limited to spouses or partners, and this can cause additional problems.
Side effects from medications– medications used to treat common medical conditions associated with aging like increased blood pressure, depression, allergies, sedatives, medications for Parkinson’s disease, cancer medications, appetite suppressants, and anti-ulcer drugs can cause serious side effects. While needed to control medical conditions or diseases, the medications used to treat these problems can have severe side effects and can create intimacy and sexual function problems.
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It’s clear that aging is not for “sissies!” Aging and the passage of Time initiate physical, emotional, and cognitive changes. Many of these changes are associated with normal aging, but many of these changes can create problems with intimacy.
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Final Thoughts
As previously stated, aging is not for “sissies!”
Aging brings about physical, emotional, and cognitive changes that affect a person‘s body and mood.
External factors, such as surgeries, alcohol use, social interactions, and medications, can also affect physical and emotional changes.
One of the very important factors associated with aging is the ability to communicate effectively with one’s spouse or partner. Current medical advances have resolved some of these changes with aging.
The ability to communicate needs and changes on an ongoing basis will provide the best outcome for couples as they age together.
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