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Sarah, a podcast listener, recently shared a sermon I had not previously heard. Upon searching the Internet, I found several variations of the same general story. Even with minor variations, the basic message remained the same.
The story is about a grandson who learns to play Monopoly from his grandmother. She is a ruthless player who defeats him by acquiring more property and assets, eventually bankrupting her inexperienced grandson. He eventually learns the person with the most money and property wins the Monopoly game. He continues to practice and get better, ultimately defeating her. His joy is overwhelming!
He has learned to acquire things, win the game, and beat his grandmother.
At that moment of her defeat, his grandmother explains that she has one final lesson to teach him. She tells him she is happy that he learned to play the game so well, but now all of the game goes back in the box.
This parable describes a very complex life problem. For many people, money and assets are the scorecards by which they judge their lives. It’s hard to resolve that we are temporary stewards of our assets, and eventually, they all go “back in the box.”
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The More Money and Things a Person Has, the Happier They Must Be! Right?
As the old saying states: “You can’t take it with you.” You don’t get to keep everything forever. The pieces always end up back in the box. It’s a simple statement that’s hard to grasp.
I think the concept of not being able to keep our worldly possessions forever is personified by the story of a Southern politician attending the funeral of a close friend. The deceased had many, many friends and had provided financial aid to these friends on various occasions. As a sign of gratitude and respect, each of these friends placed differing amounts of money in the coffin as a last gesture of thanks for the help provided by their now-departed friend. The deceased’s southern politician friend, always looking for easy Capital, waited at the end of the line and approached the coffin. He quietly and efficiently counted all the money within the coffin, folded it, and slipped it inside his coat pocket. He then took his checkbook out of another pocket, opened it, and wrote a check for that same amount to the deceased person. There are two morals in this story. The first moral is “Always keep an eye on politicians,” and the second is “You can’t take it with you!”
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I wonder if most people are like me. I know that the box of my life’s “Monopoly Game” is out there waiting patiently for all the game pieces to return. I’m aware of that fact. I choose to not dwell on it.
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What does winning the game and ultimately returning all of the pieces to the box have to do with happiness and ENOUGH?
Deep down, I feel American heritage is grounded in competitiveness and winning. Americans love competition, tend to side with the underdog who prevails and conquers, and we want to be in the winning camp or on the winning side.
Winning is not a novel concept, as historically, there have been winners and losers, conquered and conquerors, and leaders and followers. America was founded by breaking free of oppression, and this mindset of freedom, competition, and independence remains today!
But, this mindset of winning is not portrayed honestly in today’s media. I am not a big fan of media, as I feel that both television and Internet social media sites have magnified and glorified the concept that the person with the “biggest pile” wins!
Technically, if money and what money buys are the chosen units of measure, this may be a fact. Media sites forget to disclose that. The same media sites also fail to disclose that “Influencer” lifestyles are artificially manufactured and don’t represent the lifestyle of the influencers or anyone else. Even the world’s wealthiest people are not necessarily the happiest people in the world!
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Because I’m just as guilty as many people in wanting to “win the game” I decided to explore some of the reasoning behind the need to “win.”
*Emotional need for affirmation– everyone has emotional needs. A basic emotional need is affirmation. Everyone wants to feel like they fit, that they are loved, that they are needed, that they are fulfilled, etc. The list could go on well beyond these few examples, but being the person with the most property and the most money on the Monopoly Board of Life provides affirmation for some. I’ve spoken about my early life and the fact that I was the fourth of five children. I was blessed I had loving parents who provided emotional grounding, but by the time the fourth child comes along the energy and emotional reserves of many parents are almost depleted. I needed affirmation and chose a profession that would provide a greater-than-normal amount of income and professional recognition. I did like the above-average income and did not shy away from the professional recognition. Over time, I realized that money is a necessary tool but is not the source of happiness. Neither is professional recognition! Recognition is a form of affirmation, not a source of happiness!
*FOMO– since money is a medium of exchange, money is the salve that soothes the fear of missing out. With more than enough money and assets, one doesn’t need to miss out on any of the extra things in life. But does one more meal at an expensive restaurant, one more football game, being seen at one more of the right places, one more concert ticket, or experiencing an additional opera make anyone significantly happier? If asked, my wife would state that I hate to miss anything! But, my feelings of not wanting to miss out on anything are less about FOMO and more about the desire to live each day to the fullest.
*Needing money at the end of life– some people feel accumulating cash and assets is necessary to provide end-of-life funds. They reason no one wants to reach the end of their life with no fuel left in their financial tank. However, an unverified report indicated that 84% of Americans die with more money than at the start of their retirement. Although not confirmed, I feel this statement is probably true or close to being true. Even after ten years of approximately equal spending to my full-time working income, my net worth has not declined! I know that in periods of recession and financial stress, most people decrease spending to preserve capital for future needs. I will need money at the end of my life, but I should not use that as a realistic reason for wanting to “win the game.”
*Discernment of what is “ENOUGH”-my journey on the road to enough began 10 years ago. I have a good basic understanding of what ENOUGH means in my life and I no longer need to continue winning the game. Solving the problem of how much is “ENOUGH” fosters peace of mind and freedom from having to be the person with the most money or the most assets. Over time, I’ve realized that happiness doesn’t flow from the greatest amount of money, but through the comfort of having “ENOUGH.” After reaching enough, additional assets don’t produce significant or correlated additional happiness.
*Legacy giving– one of the best case reasons for wanting to win the game is providing funds for heirs years after your death. I have previously stated in my podcasts that it is the intention of my wife and I to leave legacy assets to our children at the time of our deaths. These bequeaths would result from my wife and I having discerned that we have more than enough and can share it with our children. We have taken steps for their financial freedom and happiness by providing them with excellent educations. We realize the importance of providing them with an adequate education and life experience to allow them to thrive independently. We want the money left to our children to be a gift for extra things, not dollars for basic needs.
*Keeping up with the “Joneses“– probably the least relevant and weakest line of reasoning for continuing to “win the game” is the need to keep up with the “Joneses.” My perception of this is that having to keep up originates from feelings of lack of self-worth, and for the need of affirmation. The truth in this situation is that the Joneses are most likely facing the same problem and are trying to keep up with everyone around them. This situation creates a vicious circle where no one is happy, the cycle continues, and the need to keep up creates ongoing financial problems.
*Some of my unhappiest patients were also the richest– In my practice I treated patients from different social and economic levels. I treated a higher-than-normal ratio of affluent people due to the nature of our hometown economy (See: CRAZY DAYS CHRONICLES: LIVING IN IRRATIONAL TIMES). Through my practice, I realized that more money did not automatically equal greater happiness. In fact, some of the wealthiest patients in my practice also seemed to be some of the unhappiest. Money was the central focus of their life, and everything they viewed filtered through the lens of trying to win the game.
*What you think you want in life versus what you actually need in life– my early life focused on winning the game. That’s what I thought I wanted for my life. It was only after much thought and self-reflection (See: EXPLORING HAPPINESS ON THE LESS TRAVELED ROAD.) I realized what would bring happiness to my life. What I thought I wanted in life was not what I needed to be happy.
*Living for now vs later– spending more money now versus saving for the future is one of the hardest to resolve and dovetails into the concept of continuing to win the game. One of my most widely listened podcasts is titled EMBRACING THE PRESENT: CHOOSING TO LIVE NOW. In this podcast, I speak about a young couple with differing ideas about saving. One of the spouses is a saver, while the other is a spender! Neither spouse is correct or incorrect. My comment would be that the spouse who is a spender needs to continue to win the game. Excessive spending means there will be no adequate funds available for future needs in retirement. The spending spouse must continually strive to win the game to fund present and future spending.
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Final Thoughts
This blog has given me the opportunity to reevaluate my thoughts about ENOUGH and personal happiness. As I’ve gained the wisdom that comes with time, I realize that money doesn’t buy happiness. Everyone needs a certain amount of income for basic needs, and a little extra for fun things, but additional income does not appreciably increase happiness.
I’ve discussed different positions many people use to justify the “person with the biggest pile wins” philosophy. People feel the reasons are valid, continuing to accumulate money when it’s no longer necessary.
In the final analysis, when we die, all our assets are left behind. While we’re living, more money doesn’t always equal more happiness.
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