DIVERGENCE

Last weekend, all our children and grandchildren gathered at our new home. As always, it was a noisy, crazy, and fun-filled weekend. 

During the weekend, I was able to spend time with my 2 1/2-year-old grandson, spending about an hour at the park across the lane from our home. During our visit to the park and its associated playground equipment, I observed my grandson navigate one of the pieces of playground equipment. It is a four-sided, star-shaped rope obstacle (pictured in title art.)

I shortly realized my grandson’s attempt at climbing the rope obstacle reminded me of life. 

He started his assault by straddling the higher middle rope and placing his feet on the lower outer ropes. This strategy was sensible and stable. Sensible people start life following the most stable path. It seems safe and secure to climb the “Life Rope” using the safe route.

Because of my 2 1/2-year-old grandson’s height and the direction of the rope obstacle’s two lower diverging ropes, he quickly reached a point of instability where his feet couldn’t touch the widening lower ropes. He tried unsuccessfully to balance on the middle rope and eventually halted his upward progress. Many people are content to move upward until their life position becomes untenable.

Stop and Evaluate 

My little grandson had to halt his upward progress and reevaluate his strategy. He could no longer move upward or balance because his feet could no longer touch the lower ropes on either side of the middle rope. His options at this point were to remain in his current position and discontinue his upward progress, try and move upward by balancing on the middle and unstable rope, or change his strategy and figure another way to continue moving safely upward. 

After considering his position, he realized two things: *His winning strategy was no longer working. A winning strategy is a winning strategy to a certain point and no longer works.  *He was no longer able to move upward. A winning strategy is only a winning strategy as long as it keeps someone moving towards a goal.

Acknowledgment and Frustration 

It would have made me happy if my little 2 1/2-year-old grandson had figured this out and acknowledged he had made a poor decision. Instead, his reaction was one of frustration. He kept trying to move upward and was frustrated because he could not physically or safely do so. Like most 2 1/2-year-old children, he became more frustrated as he realized that he couldn’t move forward on his chosen path. 

I can safely say that there is still a little of that 2 1/2-year-old remaining in most of us. We want things to progress in a specific manner and are unwilling to accept that our plan is no longer working. 

We become frustrated that a once-working strategy is no longer functioning. 

Like a 2 1/2-year-old, we want our way and are frustrated that it’s not working as planned. Our adult intelligence must acknowledge that our plan is no longer functioning and that we must decide on a new course of action.

Decide

My grandson needed to make a decision. Did he want to continue to move upward? One option would be to stay at his current location, be happy, and enjoy the scenery. 

Did he want to try to move upward by balancing on the single unstable rope in the middle? He could move higher, but what would be the cost, and what would happen if he lost his balance? He could potentially fall and lose all progress. He could hurt himself with a fall off of the playground equipment. Would he decide to give up a little of his current progress by moving back down the rope and then change his whole strategy by changing his position?

The life parallels here are obvious. We often begin a path in life, only to later realize that it is incorrect and the path forward is fraught with problems. 

The choices then become very similar to my little grandson’s choices. Do you stop where you are and give up all future progress? Do you continue the same path, knowing the future will become difficult and disastrous? Would you be willing to sacrifice current progress to facilitate a better outcome? Would you be willing to act on the realization that another option may be the best course, even though it means giving up a little short-term gain?

Ask for Help

My 2 1/2-year-old grandson‘s frustration finally got the better of him, and he began to cry. Unable to determine his best option and letting his frustration rule him, he remained frozen in position and crying with frustration. It was at this point that I decided to intervene and help him. He did not ask for help and did not realize that my ability to help was an asset he possessed.

As adults, we have opportunities and avenues of help available when needed. The hardest decision for adults is deciding we need help and guidance. One of the hardest things for adults is to admit they require assistance. Assistance is available to help with changes to business plans, life plans, emotional plans, and retirement plans.

Change

Once the necessary help is secured, the next logical step is implementing the required changes. For my little grandson, these changes required adjusting his physical position and his mental focus.

*Physical position– once I got my grandson off the middle rope, where he was precariously balanced, I repositioned him with both his feet on one of the lower ropes while facing inward and grabbing the middle rope. Even though it felt a little more awkward to him initially, it was a much more stable position and would get him safely up the playground equipment. 

As adults, sometimes these positional changes can be intense. 

I have spoken about the changes in my life in the past 11 years. I sold my dental practice and Home while moving to a new city. These events were followed 10 years later by a second move to a different house in the same locale. 

These physical changes to my work status, home status, and physical location required family discernment and discussion. Allowing a younger practitioner to assume ownership of my practice, changing home towns, and changing homes twice over the last 11 years required physical changes. In each of these cases, the change was initially awkward and uncomfortable. 

Like my little grandson, who resisted moving to a different position on the playground equipment, I was initially resistant to the changes in my life. Unlike my grandson, these changes were self-imposed but did not make them easier to accept.

*Mental focus– A difficult pivot for my grandson was changing his mental focus. He had to change his mental focus to continue his upward progress. He didn’t feel comfortable in his new physical position and didn’t want to remain there even though it was more secure. Once I instructed him to slide his feet along the rope while remaining focused, he slowly moved upward. 

Being able to focus or refocus while everything around you changes is not easy. It’s not easy when you’re 2 1/2 years old, and not easy when you’re 72 1/2 years old. 

In my blog and podcast series about moving into our new house (THE BIG MOVE, THE BIG DRAIN, THE BIG PUSH, and THE BIG SPRINT.) I spoke about the difficulties in refocusing and remaining focused on our new home purchase and renovation.

Refocus on Goal

For a 2 1/2-year-old, refocusing on the goal, and remaining focused is a non-starter. 

Like most 2 1/2-year-olds, my grandson‘s attention span is short. He didn’t want to stay in that position on the ropes and wanted to return to his former unstable position. He felt uncomfortable moving sideways and wanted to straddle the middle rope. I convinced him to stay in his current position and helped him to move upwards on the playground equipment.

The point in life of changing a plan or a direction is where most adults “crash and burn.” Instead of focusing on a new life plan, life direction, job, marital status, family member, or any other life change, we focus on the twin thieves that rob us of today. Those twin thieves are regrets of the past and fear of the future.

*Fear of wrong decisions (fear of the future)– this is not a problem for my 2 1/2 year-old grandson, as most 2 1/2 year-olds are fearless of making wrong decisions. Fear is a much bigger adult problem. Adults fear any decision will adversely impact them in the future. Having the courage to make a decision and move forward is problematic because it is often easier to live with the current pain than take a chance of greater future pain due to a poor decision. Will the result of the change be good or bad? Will the change ultimately be beneficial or detrimental? Can I unwind a bad decision?

*Regret about past decisions (regrets of the past)– this is where the “should have/ could have” thoughts surface. Instead of giving ourselves a little grace, most adults tend to dwell on unfavorable past decisions. Will history repeat itself? Will this be another bad decision? Will I be better off or worse off? Am I making better choices now?

*What if thoughts– and if all of that isn’t bad enough, there are the “what if” thoughts and questions. What if I had studied a different subject matter in college? What if I would have married another person instead of my wife? What would occur if I had taken a different job instead of my current job? 

“What if” thoughts are explored in a song by Garth Brooks called “Unanswered Prayers.” In the song, Mr. Brooks describes a chance meeting with a former girlfriend and the insight meeting her again provided. 

“What if” scenarios are harmful because we create alternate realities without any basis. 

We dream about how much better and happier we would be if traveling a different life path.

Courage to Move Upward

Like most 2 1/2-year-olds, my grandson is fearless. He does not understand that his actions can have negative consequences or that he could sustain injury. A child’s courage is pure and untainted by a lifetime of previous bad experiences. 

Adults have a lifetime of experience and have felt the sting of defeat and disappointment. It’s hard for adults to find the courage to continue an upward trajectory. People tend to dwell on their past misfortunes rather than focusing on their successes. They fear defeat, and that fear can be crippling. 

Like my grandson, it takes small steps to craft a positive outcome.

Attain Goal

My grandson would probably feel he didn’t attain his goal because he never reached the top of the rope obstacle. 

My goal was for him to explore different solutions to his problem and continue his upward journey. Using those metrics, I feel he did attain his goal. 

Using the skills he learned last weekend, he will eventually reach the top of the rope obstacle, and his “summit” will occur much sooner than either of us would imagine!

Many adults view results that are less than optimum as being failures. 

There are many levels of success. It’s important to view the glass half full rather than half empty.

For most projects to be successful, a comprehensive victory and the attainment of a desired goal are not always mandatory.

Final Thoughts

I hope my young grandson appreciates his part in this blog. I hope he reads this blog at some time and doesn’t get upset because I’ve made some assumptions about his thoughts and actions.

At its best, life is hard. Like everyone, I’m sure that my grandson will have trials and tribulations. One of the benefits of doing a blog and podcast is that they are “Evergreen” and should be available in some form on the Internet in the future. Hopefully, my grandchildren and their children will read, listen, and learn from these blogs and podcasts. 

The lessons presented in these blogs and podcasts (strength, determination, honesty, and hard work) are also “Evergreen” and future generations should derive benefits from this information.

I found it interesting my grandson could be the vehicle used to convey a message of hope and inspiration. People face decisions during their lifetimes, and it’s easy to let fear, regret, uncertainty, and lack of courage drive decisions. 

There’s a tendency to engage in “what if” thinking and assume that the path not taken would have provided a better outcome. 

Everyone has one life. Everyone makes mistakes. That doesn’t mean one’s life focus should be on mistakes or lost opportunities. Life should be about incremental changes and finding solutions to the problems we face along the path of life. 

How someone approaches, evaluates, and solves life’s eventual problems will determine the height of life’s playground equipment they reach. 

I’ll finish this blog with a story about spending time in “what if” scenarios:

A very successful businessman and his wife spent time in the small hometown where she grew up. They stopped at a local diner to get a bite to eat before starting their trip home. Their Waiter seemed to know the businessman’s wife and called her by name. At the end of the meal, he told her he was happy to have seen her again. Once the businessman and his wife started their journey the businessman noticed his wife was quietly contemplative. He asked about her thoughts and the connection to the waiter in the diner. She thought briefly and answered that they had been very close when she was younger and had almost married. The businessman also thought for a few moments and responded with a smirk that if she had married the waiter, she would be living modestly in her hometown as the spouse of a waiter in a small diner.

She sat quietly for a moment and responded by saying: No, if I had married him, he would be a very successful businessman, and you would probably be a waiter in a small diner in your hometown!

So much for happy endings and “what if” scenarios!

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