What is considered a Gray Divorce?
Gray (or grey) Divorce refers to a divorce involving individuals who are 50 years of age or older. Many high-profile cases, such as Bill and Melinda Gates, Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus, and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, have brought attention to the growing number of gray divorces.
What percentage of Americans are we talking about?
An April 2021 report released by the U.S. Census Department found that 34.9 percent of all Americans who got divorced in the previous calendar year were aged 55 or older — aka, baby boomers, or people who might have gray hair (hence the nicknames.)
According to the ABA (American Bar Association), Gray Divorce was coined as research showed the phenomenon of the overall divorce rate going down while the “grey-haired” demographic’s rate of late-in-life divorce was on the rise. The 50+ crowd currently makes up a quarter of all divorces and 1 in 10 is 65+.
An article by Susan L. Brown and I-Fen Lin of Bowling Green State University stated that generally, education tends to be protective against divorce. In fact, the marriages of college-educated couples seem to be lasting longer than they were 30 years ago. Among couples aged 40-49, the divorce rate for those with a college degree is about 50 percent lower than the rate for those with a high school diploma. This differential holds for younger adults ages 25-39, too.
But in contrast to the seeming stabilization of divorce rates for the general population over the past two decades, the gray divorce rate has doubled: Married individuals aged 50 and older, including the college-educated, are twice as likely to experience a divorce today as they were in 1990. For married individuals aged 65 and older, the risk of divorce has more than doubled since 1990.
Perhaps the economic advantages that stabilized college graduates’ marriages in the child-raising years now work in the opposite direction, making it financially possible for dissatisfied couples to split up, whereas those with fewer resources (i.e., the high school educated) feel compelled to stay together for financial reasons. Their careers are winding down, and they would not have time to recoup the economic losses often associated with divorce. Nor may they be as likely to have the savings cushion to minimize the financial shock.
Why are so many Baby Boomers getting divorced?
- Couples grow apart- couples that have typically been married for a long period of time; normally over 20 years, find that their lives no longer have meaning together.
- The stigma of divorce is lesser- The stigma of divorce is much less than it was for their parent’s generation.
- Couples become “empty nesters”- couples realize that raising children is what keeps them together. Once children are gone, so is the glue that holds the marriage together.
- Longer life expectancy- Couples in their 50s and 60s realize that they may have 40 years or more left to live and decide they do not want to spend that amount of time with their current spouse.
- Losing the “spark”- One or both of the spouses lose interest in sex or spending time with a spouse.
- Spouses change- The person to whom they are currently married is not the person that they married 30 to 40 years ago.
- Boredom- Couples complain that they have become bored with the current relationship, refuse to be complacent, and want to seek happiness in their remaining years.
- Older individuals are more often in remarriages, not first marriages, and remarriages have long been more likely than first marriages to end through divorce.
- The opportunities for people in their 50s, 60s, and 70s to meet new partners are much greater than in earlier eras.
- Online dating is surging among this demographic.
- Disability rates have been declining.
- The rise in female labor force participation over the past several decades offers women in particular a way out of a marriage that was not as widely available in the past.
- Retirement itself may become the problem where couples spending more time together realize they no longer know or like each other.
- Age and age-related health issues. Being around someone who “feels old” makes us feel old. Some may think if they get divorced and marry someone younger, it will reverse time for them as well.
- Self Improvement. Sometimes people think meeting or pursuing someone new will make them try harder in life, lose weight, dress better, etc. and help them achieve the changes they seek.
- Active vs passive lifestyles. Couples are unable to reconcile differences in lifestyle where one person is active, while the other is not active, and neither partner tries to accommodate the other partner’s needs or feelings.
How does Gray Divorce differ from regular divorce?
- Most gray divorce clients are retired or close to retirement.
- Most have grown children and may have grandchildren.
- Gray Divorces will have a complicated division of assets due to the long list of assets from an extended period of married life.
- Spousal support issues for gray divorce are more complex because the majority of spouses will be in the 55 to 65 age range, spousal support is an important consideration, spouses who are currently working may have to continue working, and spouses who have never worked will have limited work options due to age.
- The one source of income and the one source of assets that supported the married couple must now support two separate individual households.
- Older adults are unlikely to recoup financial losses associated with divorce, and this is particularly true for women who were out of the labor force for decades.
- On average, gray divorced individuals have only 20 percent as much wealth as older married couples. (individuals who divorce later in life and remain single typically do not enjoy the economic cushion that marrieds and even widoweds experience.)
- The problems of midlife aren’t the concerns couples share, but are instead the expectations they don’t share that cause breakdowns in marriages.
Retirement Plans and Gray Divorce
Income usually drops during retirement, as income from work disappears and couples must live on retirement assets. With divorce comes the division of assets. Also, there is a consideration of spousal support for an older spouse. It is not uncommon for both divorced spouses to cut discretionary spending in order to fund basic lifestyle expenses with diminished assets. There are also attorney fees to consider in prolonged or complex divorce proceedings. Division of assets will include retirement benefits and savings. According to the ABA there are so many more things to take into account such as total compensation (not just base salary), social security, 401K, pensions, etc. And then there’s life insurance. When you pay alimony you must include life insurance and death benefits when considering payments, which will increase your annual payment in addition to the increase based on your older age. If one spouse wants to continue living in the family home, that spouse must purchase the other half of the house from the divorcing spouse. In many cases, this will involve a significant amount of money for a home that has significantly appreciated in value since the couple purchased the home.
Factors to consider in gray divorce:
- Income sources. Income prospects are different at age 50 than at age 20. Your potential for future income increases may be minimal. With Retirement on the horizon, the work skills that you possess may be outdated. (Future salary and income sources should be evaluated before agreeing to final terms on paying, receiving, or waiving spousal support and dissolution of assets.)
- Retirement finances. Divorce means that all financial assets will be divided in half. The more joint accounts, retirement accounts, and pension accounts available mean a more complex divorce decree and greater legal bills.
- Health and insurance. Healthcare and Health insurance may pose significant problems after divorce. Healthcare provided by a working spouse is no longer available. Medicare may be several years away. A divorced person may have to research ACA insurance, cobra-based insurance, or other insurance options.
- Family and children. Divorce is hard on families. In many cases, children who love both parents have a hard time understanding why their parents no longer want to be married to each other. Children often suffer emotional problems as a result of parental divorce. Sometimes parents are still supporting children, even adult children.
- Mental capacity issues. Mental capacity issues may be a factor for older adults. Cognitive decline may increase the likelihood of misunderstandings. Cognitive decline may also precipitate increases in legal fees, paperwork, and cognitive testing to establish competency.
gdghdgdhdgdgdg
gdghdgdhdgdgdg
In an article written for Prime Women author Jackie Bayer shared the following:
Take action to avoid divorce
All relationships, however, require effort and regular maintenance. There are proactive things you can do to keep out of the lawyer’s office:
Practice sustained attention
- Schedule for regular date nights where the topics of work and family are off the table
- Do an annual check-in on your anniversary where you focus on how you’ve each changed over the past year
- Share your individual and collective dreams
- Sincerely compliment your spouse or thank them daily
- End the day thinking of something you are grateful for together
Develop shared interests
- Create a mutual bucket list
- Try one of his hobbies or invite him to engage in one of yours
- Tackle household tasks together rather than always dividing the list
- If you can afford it, take a weekend getaway periodically to a place you both enjoy
- Plan your free time together to include mutual interests
Really see and hear your spouse
- Look for and comment on positive changes
- Create a time daily, no matter how brief, when you give your spouse your undivided attention
- Regularly reflect on the qualities that attracted you
Key takeaways:
- According to various studies, the most common causes of divorce are conflict, arguing, irretrievable breakdown in the relationship, lack of commitment, infidelity, and lack of physical intimacy. The least common reasons are a lack of shared interests and incompatibility between partners.
- 73 percent of women reported having no regret over their divorce, compared to 61 percent of men. Research has shown that men tend to worry about being on their own again after a divorce more than women do.
- Gray divorce affects health, and the ability to procure health insurance.
- Gray divorce affects finances, lifestyle, and retirement plans.
- Gray divorce affects families, spouses, and children (both adult and minor children.)
- Gray divorce affects mental health and may exacerbate existing mental health problems.
- An April 2021 report released by the U.S. Census Department found that 34.9 percent of all Americans who got divorced in the previous calendar year were aged 55 or older.
- The marriages of college-educated couples seem to be lasting longer than they were 30 years ago.
Regardless of how one approaches Gray Divorce, it‘s a gut wrenching ordeal financially, emotionally, behaviorally, and physically. Normally, Gray Divorce requires equal division of a lifetime’s accumulation of assets. It also creates emotional distress and anxiety for both divorcing parties, friends, and families. Gray Divorce requires significant amounts of time and money, and may come at a time when both may be limited. It may also come at a time when one or both parties are less able to manage physical or emotional welfare individually.
fhfhghghg
Final Thoughts
- Gray Divorce is not to be approached casually or without a great deal of forethought. I am not advocating for or against Gray Divorce, but Gray Divorce is totally disruptive to a life spent together for years or decades.
- It is a severe financial, emotional, behavioral, and physical assault on parties who may not be in the best position to accept, respond, or overcome the damage inflicted.
- Strongly consider the financial, emotional, physical, and behavioral implications of Gray Divorce before you pull the plug on a long term relationship.
- Consider the implications that Gray Divorce will have on retirement and retirement funding.
gdhfhfghghghghg
If you’d like to be a part of a free online retirement community, join us on Facebook:
COMMENTS