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The Road Not Taken -Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
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This is going to be a hard blog to write because the information presented hits close to home. We live in a society where everyone wants to “get ahead.” The normal stated path to success is traversed by working longer and harder than everyone else. At an early age, I wanted very badly to walk that path.
This concept of working long and hard creates a huge dichotomy in America. Everyone wants to work hard now to “get ahead” so they can scale back and spend more time later with family and not have to work as hard. But to obtain that free time they must work more hours and more days to secure an early exit. Thus, the dichotomy.
I’ve watched as several young couples have moved through the first stage of their adult life. This means the beginning of a career and everything that’s associated with a full-time job.
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My own career journey was very similar to these young couples. Once I graduated from dental school and began the process of becoming established in my community I made the far-reaching decision to become a top-tier dentist. I wanted to be one of the best dentists in the world. I worked as long and hard as possible. I read every book I could obtain on clinical dentistry and practice management. I went to every conference and continuing education course available. My wife, even though she taught school while pregnant, also taught aerobics classes and maintained our home. To say our life was full would be an understatement.
We continued on this path well into my fourth year of practice. I had left my position as an associate in an existing dental practice to establish my own practice. Establishing a new business normally requires many hours of hard work, and I was working between forty and sixty hours at the office each week. This came after even longer hours to initially renovate an existing dental office, purchase equipment and supplies, and hire a complete staff. All of this was necessary to continue my upward climb to the top level of Dentistry. I was certain my long hours in the office would pay huge dividends eventually in the form of success and recognition.
My wife continued to teach aerobics but stopped teaching school to raise our new son. This gave me more freedom to pursue my dream!
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Can you see the beginning of a pattern?
Part of my plans to climb the rungs of the dental success ladder included seeking the top continuing education providers in the world. This is how I became associated with the Pankey Institute for Advanced Dental Education. The Pankey Institute hosted dentists from around the world who sought advanced dental education and wanted to “up their game.” At my first Pankey Institute CE course, there were dentists from six different countries, confirming the fact that the Pankey Institute was a world-renowned provider of top-level advanced education. I was excited and gratified to be a part of this group of dentists trying to get to the highest level of dentistry. Many of the techniques of restorative dentistry and practice management taught at the Institute were unfamiliar to most practitioners. I felt that at the Pankey Institute, I was truly on the path to ultimate success.
It’s also at the Pankey Institute where my life changed!
It was at the Pankey Institute where I was first exposed to the Cross of Life (See: SEEKING HAPPINESS: EXPLORING THE CROSS OF LIFE.) The basic concept of the Cross of Life is a cross with Happiness as the centerpiece and on the four points of the cross are the words Love, Work, Play, and Worship.
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The Pankey Cross of Life
Happiness revolves around balance in these four areas of life. Too much time spent in one area means less time is available to spend in other areas of life. Too much time spent in any area of life means your cross is out of balance and happiness does not flow from an unbalanced Cross of Life. This concept hit me like a brick in the face. Up to the point of my exposure to the cross of life, my whole concept of success revolved around professional success. My exposure to the cross of life guided me to a totally different concept of success and happiness.
It was at this CE course that I sat quietly for a long time and reassessed my life. Becoming a top-tier dentist would consume the majority of my time, and leave almost no time for anything else.
So, in this situation, what happens to the other three points on the cross of life? If all available time is spent working to succeed in dentistry, then there is very little or no time left to devote to love, play, and worship. When work becomes all-consuming, what happens to family life? When work becomes all-consuming, what happens to time spent with hobbies and recreation? How about a faith life? Does work become a source of worship?
In retrospect, I always find it comical that at a dental continuing education course I realized that I really didn’t want to be one of the best dentists in the world. I realized I wanted to be the best dentist that I could be! However, I also realized that one of the reasons I became a self-employed dentist was that I could control my own schedule to work as much or as little as I desired so that I could be present for family activities, hobbies, and worship activities. None of these things would be available in my present course.
The final outcome of my self-appraisal at the continuing education course was that instead of recognition I chose happiness! In order to be happy, I would have to realign my priorities. I had to balance my own cross of life!
Just like the speaker in Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken,” I decided to take the road less traveled, and it truly has made “all the difference” in my life. Instead of seeking professional recognition and success, I chose the road less traveled to happiness. The funny thing is that I was still very successful and respected professionally while being happy!
I’ve made numerous mistakes in my life, but doing a life “reset” to balance my personal cross of life has not been one of those mistakes. Being present for my wife and family has afforded me the opportunity to spend quality time with all of them. My wife and I have been fortunate enough to have traveled extensively throughout our married life. Creating a better balance in life allowed me to attend school activities, sporting events, and church-related activities while still maintaining an adequate work life. We were able to take family vacations. Work ceased to be all-consuming, and instead became one part of a balanced lifestyle that needed to be managed and nurtured just like the other three points on the cross of life.
The result was that I did become a happier person. Focusing less on work, and more on family, love, and worship, provided the balance I needed for personal happiness. Even today, my adult children still talk about family trips, and family activities we engaged in when they were children.
A present focus of my wife and I is to create memories with our adult children and grandchildren, instead of focusing on buying more “things.”
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So what about the young couples I wrote about above?
I think that many young couples start their married life with the same work-focused thought process. They think they will work long and hard early in their careers to become successful, and then scale back. The problem with that strategy is that it very rarely succeeds.
It’s been stated that in many cases a path can eventually become a rut, and a rut is merely a coffin with the ends kicked out! It’s easy for a couple to start down this path, but very hard to leave the road or make course adjustments. The road can easily become a rut. The rainbow at the end of the path looks so close, but just like a real rainbow, the further you advance the further away it advances.
Many couples create a lifestyle that is very hard to unwind. Many couples create a monster, that they have to control and feed. Once built, this lifestyle is hard to dismantle.
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So what has been my counsel to them?
I feel that it is critically important for each couple to sit down together and determine what is truly important to them as a couple. They must determine what will create balance and happiness in their life.
It’s very easy to say, but harder to put into practice. The lure of money and success is always great.
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What about you, Reader?
The moment in my life that I realized I needed to change was very uncomfortable. It may also be uncomfortable for you, Reader, to assess what is important to you and what will make you happy. Everyone in life has the opportunity to create their own balance and happiness. It’s not easy, and it requires a lot of thought and effort. I know it’s hard because I’ve been there!
Each person or couple needs to sit quietly and determine what’s important to them, and what will ultimately bring long-lasting happiness.
For me, happiness was ultimately the most important consideration. It’s hard to watch young couples struggle to find their proper path in life. It’s much harder to see their lives out of balance and their paths leading them farther away from happiness.
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Final Thoughts
- Life is a continual journey of growth.
- It’s been hard to watch young couples struggle to make decisions that will affect the rest of their lives.
- Even at age 71 I still work to keep my Cross in balance.
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