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“The key to happiness is letting go of that idea of perfection.” -Debra Messing
According to vocabulary.com: Perfection is a flawless state where everything is exactly right. It can also be the action of making something perfect. Since perfect things are without fault or flaw, perfection is a perfect condition — everything is 100% great.
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The Search for Perfection
Achieving perfection is the ideal dream for most people. Almost everyone wants to hit the perfect golf drive or sink the perfect putt. When I think of perfection my mind turns to perfect scores in Olympic competitions. We all crave that perfect day when everything goes exactly as planned!
There is almost always some element of perfection in any sport, job, or vocation. Perfection is associated with the positive side of achievement. We constantly hear that Perfection is the ultimate goal and that we should always strive for perfection.
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But, This is Where Things Can Go a Little Dark.
Is there a dark side to the pursuit of perfection?
Attempting to achieve perfection is a worthy goal. What happens if the pursuit of perfection becomes destructive?
The pursuit of perfection can be both uplifting and overwhelming. How do I know? Because it’s how I was trained in dental school. The first two years of dental school were spent on didactic learning and exposure to dental clinical fundamentals in a laboratory setting. In the lab, I was drilled (no pun intended) with the concept that every dental procedure must be done perfectly to overcome the harsh dental environment inside a patient’s mouth.
Everything completed in the lab was critically evaluated and was expected to be perfect. Any imperfections or errors required that the project be redone until a satisfactory (as perfect as humanly possible) result was achieved. Many of our projects were redone multiple times on multiple occasions to achieve perfection.
This was a good thing! How can anyone achieve perfection if not taught perfection and practiced until perfection is achieved? So, we spent the first two years of Dental School in the pursuit of perfection, which was a good thing!
It becomes a problem when skills and techniques perfected in an ideal laboratory setting are applied to human beings.
Living people are not like laboratory manikins! Patients have cheeks and tongues that move continuously. Patients swallow and talk. Patients have fears and anxieties that must be managed. Most importantly, patients don’t just lay on a laboratory workbench and allow perfect treatment.
Perfect techniques learned in the lab just don’t work in the clinic! Students are now faced with the stressful and frustrating reality that perfection is rarely, if ever, achieved within the oral cavity. The realization that skills perfected in the lab don’t usually work the same way in the mouth is the source of much anxiety and self-doubt. Dental instructors score students based on perfect outcomes, but the treatment provided is less than perfect. Students are taught to do procedures perfectly, but yet they can’t re-produce perfect results in real clinical situations. This divergence between perception and reality can really bend your mind if you let it do so!
The idea of Perfection as it is taught to Dental students becomes the gnawing monster that chews on your insides when these laboratory skills don’t transfer into the real world as anticipated and as expected by instructors. The self-doubt and stress become the food that sustains the monster within!
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But is Stress Really That Bad, and Does it Stop with Graduation?
Sure, every student wants to perform optimally in school. What happens after graduation? Does the monster within still survive and thrive?
The short answer is “Yes.” Years of training in perfectionism don’t disappear after a dental student receives a diploma. Not only is the perfectionist attitude still present, but most dentists willingly approach their profession with that attitude.
The monster that is the “Quest for Perfection” becomes solidly entrenched, and unfortunately, well-fed!
The wounds of the Monster can take many forms:
- Decisions in Dentistry states: Some dentists use specific drug groups to deal with stressors and pain. These include alcohol, opiates, benzodiazepines, illicit drugs, and nitrous oxide. According to data, alcohol is the drug of choice for 37% of dentists with substance abuse problems, while 31% use opioids, 10% consume street drugs, and 5% abuse nitrous oxide. According to the U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, at least 100,000 medical professionals struggle with an SUD (substance use disorder.)
- DentistryIQ states: 25% of marriages to dentists end in divorce.
- It’s also known that Dentists have the second highest rate of suicide among the top ten job categories.
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I’m using my profession as an example, but dentists are certainly not alone in this attitude. Think about law enforcement officers whose skills and training are perfected at police academies. The same problems occur when an officer’s perception confronts a conflicting reality.
The classic example is when a confrontation occurs and an officer mistakenly deploys a firearm instead of a taser.
An attorney who doesn’t correctly cite case law and precedents may lose a case that should have been won.
A physician’s judgment in a particular situation creates a less-than-optimal outcome for a surgical procedure. Perfect training produces a less-than-perfect outcome.
The same types of situations and outcomes can be cited for many jobs and professions. As noted, the continual struggle to reach perfect outcomes can have profound and detrimental effects on perfection seekers.
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Is There a Cure for Chronic Perfectionism?
Seeking perfection in its purest form is not inherently bad. It becomes problematic when taken to unhealthy extremes. The first step is recognizing that Perfectionism is causing personal problems and stress (See: ESCAPING THE GRIP OF STRESS: IS THERE A WAY OUT?) Perfectionism is usually self-directed and results from unrealistic desires to be perfect. Self-judgment, self-imposed pressure, and a competitive nature all factor into the need to be perfect.
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Is There a Way Out?
My journey to cure perfectionism started when I read the following quote:
“Perfect is the enemy of good.” – Voltaire
But the pursuit of perfection can be very similar to an addiction, so I’ll speak more in terms of managing and controlling a perfectionist attitude rather than affecting a “cure.”
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How is a Perfectionist Attitude Managed?
- Proper perspective– in my estimation, proper perspective is probably the best and number one approach to managing a perfectionist attitude. Gaining a perspective on where the attitude of perfectionism originated can be very insightful. Was this attitude fostered by parents, early teachers, or professional instructors? I don’t remember having the need or desire to be perfect until I started Dental School. I do know that I’ve always had a competitive nature, as that is a huge contributing factor to perfectionism.
- Perfect is the enemy of good– this statement was a huge eye-opener for me. This statement’s message is very obvious for everyone but the perfection seekers because in our minds “good” is not good enough. It’s not about aiming lower, but more about taking some of the pressure off yourself and giving yourself a little grace.
- See the big picture– sometimes all of the time and effort spent in trying to achieve perfection is counterproductive. Everything has an opportunity cost, and everyone only has so much time to spend while alive. Can the time spent pursuing perfection be better directed to other people and projects?
- Adjusting standards– allowing less than perfect results, and seeking affirmation from others that your results are acceptable can move the needle away from perfection seeking. Another person’s acceptance of your work or ideas can minimize self-doubt, self-judgment, and self-imposed pressure.
- Make a list– listing acceptable guidelines, and following these guidelines to completion can lessen the need to endlessly continue down the same path in pursuit of the perfect result or end product. Guidelines frame an outcome that is acceptable, but not necessarily perfect.
- Don’t overthink things– continually rethinking and re-assessing present and past outcomes is counterproductive. Constructive criticism is good, and critical evaluation and “how can I make this better next time” questions are great. But continually beating yourself up over a self-proclaimed poor result of the past is not healthy. Learning to let go of past results that are less than perfect can be extremely difficult for someone with a perfectionist mindset.
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Final Thoughts
An attitude of perfectionism not only affects work, but can also affect finances, purpose in retirement, and personal relationships.
Countless hours and dollars are lost trying to create and maintain the perfect portfolio. Many people delay financial decisions due to their inability to decide among available options (that are less than perfect.) Many more dollars are lost due to indecision than from portfolio returns that are slightly less than perfect.
The quest for the perfect portfolio, the perfect Net Worth, and the perfect retirement distribution strategy have delayed and derailed more retirements than less-than-perfect plans or results!
Trying to find the perfect retirement hobby or the perfect purpose in retirement to provide the maximum retirement impact can also be a losing situation. Retirement should represent a time of happiness and contentment. Seeking the perfect vehicle for purpose in retirement and continually questioning earlier retirement decisions can be a retirement happiness killer.
Realizing that most of the problems with the search for perfection are self-imposed is the first step towards diminishing the effects of a perfectionist attitude. But, It’s not easy!
I should know because I’ve spent the better part of my life trying to convince myself that everything doesn’t have to be perfect!
Perfect is the enemy of good!
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