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“No is a portal to the realm of your possible” -Clare Mulvany
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Creating the mindset to spend money seems to be a problem for retired people. That sounds a little weird as the consensus is everyone wants to retire, quit working, and spend money they have spent their life saving and accumulating.
For many people, spending is a problem, and the statement is true. When faced with big or small spending decisions, there can be numerous negative positions that provide the basis to withhold spending. These constant negative reasons can become formidable obstacles that prevent retirement spending.
This negativity is primarily a mindset problem, and retired people must work on solutions to prevent these negatives from ruining their retirement.
The title for this blog is one of the techniques for overcoming a negative mindset. Positive reasons to spend money must replace negative reasoning. In this blog, I will discuss ways to help overcome a negative mindset about spending.
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Each “No” gets you closer to a “Yes”
The first time I heard this concept, I was speaking to an insurance agent. I told him I could never do what he did because of the constant rejection. The answer that “he loved hearing no” caught my attention. He stated each time someone told him no, that he was one person closer to getting a yes answer. He turned a negative experience into a positive experience. Each “No” meant he was one step closer to “Yes.” One can utilize the same technique when making spending decisions. A “No” spending decision means someone is one step closer to finding a “Yes” spending decision.
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Having a Vision
Over the years, I spent considerable time creating a Vision of how to spend money and how I desired my future life to appear. I included things important, needed, or things that facilitated furthering the vision.
This conceptual process considers how I will spend time and money in the present and future.
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Why Take the Time to Create a Vision?
Creating a “Vision” seems like a lot of work. Is having a Vision necessary?
A good explanation comes from the book “Alice in Wonderland” by Lewis Carroll. One of the book’s popular characters is the Cheshire Cat. In one paragraph of the book, Alice questions the Cheshire Cat, and the exchange goes something like this:
Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here? The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to. Alice: I don’t much care where. The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn’t much matter which way you go.
Having a Vision creates a future direction. To Alice‘s statement that she doesn’t care where she wants to get to, the Cheshire Cat replies that it doesn’t matter which way you go. Alice has no vision of her future and how she wants her life to proceed. Because she has no Vision, she has no preferred path forward, and every direction replicates the same lack of vision and forethought.
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Having a Plan
What Alice needed was a Vision and a Plan. I had created a Vision. I needed a workable Plan. My Plan had to clarify what things were important, were relevant, and would enhance my future life. I needed to isolate and identify the “Yes” things more important than the “No” things. What things would I feel were more worthy of spending money. The whole concept of retirement is using the dollars saved during your working career. It is much easier to visualize retirement money as deferred spending rather than funds that need to be saved and not spent.
Finding the “Yes” things more relevant than “No” things guide retirement spending.
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Having the Ability to Change and Mature.
Another aspect of any good plan is the ability to change the plan as time goes on and needs and ideas change and mature. Something important to a 60-year-old may be less important and hold much less sway for an 80-year-old. Having the ability to remain flexible becomes more important as a person ages because the future is unknown. Things important to older people vary from things important to younger people.
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Having the Courage to Do Things You Don’t Like
Having the courage to do things you don’t like helps to identify things you will like and will serve as a validation for things you like. Doing things once found undesirable or unenjoyable may create a sense of happiness and may become one of your “Yes” activities.
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Talk More About “Yes” Activities Than “No” Activities.
People speak more about “yes” activities as their discernment improves. Over time less energy is engaged in “No” activities, and eventually, these less preferable activities cease altogether.
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Creating More Time to Decide. Neither “Yes” nor “No.”
Sometimes, the best approach is to have an unbiased opinion and to approach an activity or event with neither a “yes” nor a “no” response.
Reserving judgment to a later date can be very beneficial, especially with activities or events that are new or untested. Reserving judgment and a definite answer prevents excluding new or better activities or events.
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What are Some Things I Feel are Important and are More “Yes” than “No?”
My wife and I decided several years ago to spend money on experiences, self-improvement, life enhancement, hobbies, and spending on family. Some of these include:
- Spending on loved ones (children and grandchildren)– the ways to spend money on loved ones is almost limitless. The easiest way to spend on loved ones is to give money directly to children and grandchildren. Gifting money avoids problems with buying things the wrong size, style, or color and avoids purchasing things loved ones may not want or need. Cash is always the right color and the right size!
- Spending on experiences (with family and friends)– again, the range of options is almost limitless. Experiences with family can range from informal family gatherings or a family pizza party to a family meal at an upscale restaurant. Several years ago, we started a tradition of family vacations at different resort locations. The concept is not about how much you spend or where the family gathers. The idea is to gather your family to spend shared time. My wife and I decided to pay for all trip expenses, including travel expenses.
- Spending on self-improvement– things under this heading would include clothing upgrades, upscale barbershops or hair salons, hiring a Retirement coach, hiring a life coach, reading more, spending more time planning and creating life Visions, or anything else that you feel would improve your life.
- Spending on lifestyle enhancement– hiring someone to do things you no longer want to do, and may include washing vehicles, cleaning your home, or mowing the grass. Lifestyle enhancement includes purchasing higher-quality clothing, equipment, or vehicles. Anything that enhances your life would fall in this category.
- Spending on education– going back to school to complete degree requirements or to obtain a new degree may be a goal. There are also numerous elder courses available at local universities and online. Education opportunities abound for almost any topic. Someone may want to learn a new language or learn basket weaving. There are many options for online and in-person courses (where a person can combine education with social interaction.)
- Spending on housing– housing was a hard “yes” for my wife and me. During several podcasts (THE BIG MOVE, THE BIG DRAIN, THE BIG PUSH, and THE BIG SPRINT) I spoke about the mental, emotional, and financial decisions involved in moving from our smaller patio home to a larger and more expensive home. For us, the benefits outweighed the negatives and is a classic example of the” Yes” being more positive than the “No.” Even though the purchase involved a significant cash outlay and more ongoing expenses, the enhancement of our lives and the ability to provide more social and physical activities for our grandchildren made this a “yes” decision in the face of many opportunities to say “no.” After approximately eight months, we have no regrets. This blog is being written in the park across the lane from our new home.
- Spending on things to improve life– in many articles, authors have belittled readers for purchasing new automobiles, computers, televisions, exercise equipment, etc. These authors defend their comments by calling these purchases frivolous, unnecessary, or an attempt to gain social acceptance. At first glance, I agree with this position. Additional consideration about these purchases will reveal these items are purchased because they have increased safety features or updates to increase productivity and efficiency, and may enhance user safety. Someone who initially balks at buying a new car may quickly change positions after realizing the benefits and safety features available on newer vehicles. Newer electronic products are more efficient and have power saving capabilities. With these purchases, the enhanced safety features and technological advances may be the deciding factors in changing a “no” into a “yes.”
- Spending on hobbies– most, but not all, hobbies involve significant outlays of time and money. Sometimes, the time and money spent prevent people from participating in hobbies. The negatives of time and money overshadow the benefits of engaging in something you like or learning something new. To get past these negatives, one must first weigh the benefits before considering the negatives of time and money spent engaging in any hobby.
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Questions to Ask
These points are all good. But how does someone find the “yes” project greater than the “no?” What specific questions can clarify whether something is worth pursuing?
*Does the yes align with my values? Over the years, my thoughts and values have solidified into core beliefs. I’ve found that if something makes sense, I want to say yes to doing it. I want to do it because it aligns with my core values. Something that doesn’t align with my core values won’t be agreeable.
*Is it something important? The wisdom of age has allowed me to focus on shedding the unimportant and instead focus on the important. Everything takes time, and everyone has a limited amount of time. I focus my available time on doing things I feel are worthwhile.
*Do I like the people, organization, or cause involved? In addition to focusing on things I believe are worthwhile, I want to have a connection to the people, organization, or cause. I want to participate in something that aligns with my core values and fits into my belief system.
*Does it align with my goals? Even at age 73, I still create a list of annual, three-year, five-year, and 10-year goals. The things that I say yes to are things that align with my listed goals. I favor written goals. Writing down goals internalizes them and makes it more likely that I will say yes to activities that align with these goals.
*Is it the best use of my money? I think it would be great to remove money considerations when making decisions. At its essence, money is a tool. Because money is a tool, it can be misused. I have a limited amount of money and want to be sure my money is used wisely.
*Am I comfortable with the amount of money involved? Almost everyone has a certain pain threshold when it comes to spending money. Some people will agonize over spending $100, while others don’t blink at the thought of spending $10,000. When considering a yes decision, I want to feel comfortable with the amount I spend.
*Is there an emotional connection? I’ve decided I want to spend intentionally on things I’m connected to emotionally. Spending money on things doesn’t bring true or lasting happiness. If I connect with things emotionally and have strong feelings about them, it’s easier to spend. It would be an easy decision to spend money on my family. It would be a difficult decision for me to spend money buying an ultra-expensive automobile. I have strong emotional connections to my family, but am not emotionally connected to expensive automobiles.
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Final Thoughts
Don’t let negative thoughts ruin your retirement by derailing retirement spending.
Use some of the steps outlined above to formulate a plan for retirement spending. Focus on things that are important to you and that align with your values.
Find a dollar amount that you are comfortable spending. This amount doesn’t focus on the money. The amount is a personal decision. It may be the sum of $50, $100, $500 or more. The sum is unimportant. The concept is the key, and the concept is about not focusing on spending small amounts of money that have no impact on your life. Not agonizing over small spending amounts creates more time to evaluate other spending decisions.
Purchasing things does not bring happiness. My wife and I have started to focus more on family and family experiences as worthwhile subjects for increased spending.
The bottom line is that it is hard to spend in some cases. I wrote about my reluctance to spend in a blog titled MY ROTH IRA (UN)SPENDING. The ability to spend on things that matter is a habit. It is easiest to understand if you think about this habit as a muscle needing exercise to grow.
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