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“Accept everything about yourself – I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end – no apologies, no regrets.” -Henry A. Kissinger
“Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it.” -George Halas
“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” -Sydney J. Harris
“If you don’t set goals, you can’t regret not reaching them.” –Yogi Berra
And my personal favorite: “Fears over tomorrow and regrets over yesterday are twin thieves that rob us of the moment.” -Anonymous
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Regret
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Regret must be a common phenomenon. Researching quotes for this blog produced over twenty-two million results about regret, with more and longer lists of quotes on regret than any other topic to date.
It’s hard to have no regrets! The action not taken, the missed job, the un-purchased stock with a meteoric rise, the girl not dated, too many hours spent at work, the kindness of another un-acknowledged, and time not spent with spouse or children all weigh heavily on consciences.
The assumption would be that everyone feels the burden of regret at some point.
Media in general, and especially social media, paint a picture of perfect lives. What’s regrettable about living in the best house, with the best job, more money than can be spent, and the perfect family? These stories and images play out on media every day, and at some point, the common thought process becomes that everyone else’s life is perfect, except for our own life. This fosters regret for all the things not done, the mistakes made, and the un-reversible actions that bring people to a certain point in life.
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But are These Images True Representations of Life?
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It’s probably a true statement that every person has some regrets. And, it’s probably also true that everyone has done things and made mistakes they would rather not have made.
It’s my opinion that much regret originates in the belief that past decisions have adversely and irreparably damaged the present, or that one’s present situation cannot be enhanced or altered in the future.
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Sources of Regret
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People regret where they are presently, and regret all the decisions that have brought them to the point in life they feel is unalterable.
Media makes it appear that others are better off, happier, wealthier and living a more exciting life. Media “Influencers” would have you believe that they live a special life in a special world that is unobtainable to you. You feel they are correct, and that only increases regret.
In her book “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” author Bronnie Ware listed five regrets she noted while working with terminally ill clients. The regrets expressed by dying clients were:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish I’d let myself be happier.
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How to minimize and let go of regret?
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- Make a list– instead of dwelling on life’s mishaps, make a list of what you’ve learned from your mistakes. Also, include what you’re doing to make the future better.
- “Reframe” the past– when thinking of the decisions that have caused regret, reframe your thoughts to consider whether other alternative decisions may have made your life worse. No one knows if an alternative decision would have created a better outcome.
- Forgive yourself– probably one of the most important, but also one of the hardest is self-forgiveness. It’s important to realize that everyone makes mistakes. Forgiveness is a process that starts with self-realization, identifying problems of the past, and realizing that your behavior can be changed. Make a list and talk about it with yourself. Give yourself grace along with forgiveness.
- Quit being a critic– sometimes the person who is your worst critic is you. Self-analysis is healthy if not taken to an unhealthy level. Extreme self-criticism inhibits future growth, which encourages more self-criticism.
- Don’t wallow in self-pity– change or initiate activities to get you out of the house and into a new environment. Take up a new hobby, change up physical workouts, or hike a different trail.
- Make amends– if your regrets involve actions or lack of action addressed to other people, apologize and make amends for the past. There will be benefits to both parties!
- Journaling– journaling is a way to work through regrets by writing, thinking about, and self-analyzing regrets.
- Talk with others– talking with others may reveal that you are not alone in your regrets, and the wisdom and experiences of others can be beneficial.
- Get professional help– true depression and the inability to resolve regrets may signal the need for professional help.
Maybe the best strategy is to try to avoid actions that foster regret and develop healthy habits instead of trying to minimize regret afterward.
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Strategies to Avoid Regret
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Strategies to avoid regret include:
- Choose a career that you like, not the one with the biggest paycheck. Working for money in a career or job that you hate will eventually create regret for the career not chosen.
- Treat your body better- bad habits like drinking, smoking, lack of exercise, and poor diet may sentence someone to years of chronic disease and ill health.
- Stop worrying- time spent worrying about things that may or may not happen is mostly time wasted.
- Value time- life is short, so do the things you want to as soon as possible. Waiting too long may disrupt plans as time changes personal dynamics.
- Choose happiness- finding things to be happy about each day will change attitudes. (See: An Attitude of Gratitude.)
- See things on a smaller scale- learning to enjoy the simple things in life, and celebrating the small daily victories can increase happiness consistently.
- Say it now- don’t wait to tell people your feeling towards them, or to express feelings about situations that concern you. People don’t live forever, and unresolved concerns can grow to cause bigger problems.
- Travel- one of the big regrets is not traveling when young enough to withstand travel demands and while in good health. As people age the ability to travel freely diminishes.
- Choose a partner wisely- a good life partner can be one of life’s greatest joys, while a bad partner is a source of sadness and stress.
- Take calculated risks- you are more likely to regret not trying something than trying and then being disappointed.
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Final Thoughts
- A life filled with regrets is a life unfulfilled.
- Regret can steal the joy of today.
- Acknowledge that almost everyone has some regrets, but realize that regret doesn’t guide one’s life.
- Don’t buy into the Media’s definition of success. Each person decides what defines success in their own life.
- There are multiple pathways to minimize and mediate regrets in life.
- The best way to deal with regret may be to proactively develop good habits and avoid early signs of regret.
- Forgive yourself for past mistakes, and allow yourself to let go of regret.
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