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[In life—as in garden making, I have concluded—you are never able to shake free of three aspects of reality: pain, uncertainty, and constant work. The Grateful Dead spelled out the obvious in their song “Uncle John’s Band.” One line is crystal clear. “When life looks like easy street, there is danger at your door.”] -Phil Stutz
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Is There a Way to Shake Free of Pain, Uncertainty, and Constant Work? Wouldn’t Life be Much Simpler and Happier Without Anxiety and Apprehension?
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Let’s find out if we’re all stuck with a lifetime of anxiety and apprehension!
Almost everyone knows those gnawing internal feelings that can eat away at physical and mental health if not addressed. Acknowledging that stress and anxiety are present is the first and easy part of the answer. Tackling the causes and manifestations of stress and anxiety are much harder to acknowledge and treat.
As the owner of a solo dental practice, I had my share of stress and anxiety. In my early forties a steady diet of too many hours at work, too heavy a caseload, and too little downtime started taking a physical toll. My options at that point were to continue the present course and try to “gut it out,” or change my practice mode.
Since I wanted to be around for many more years I decided to change my work schedule and physical workout routine. I took time off during the day to allow for a mental and emotional “reset.”
Over the course of several months, the work schedule and workout changes brought me back to a state of optimum health. Unfortunately, not everyone has the ability to control their work schedule or modify their work environment. But, there are still ways to make positive changes.
I feel that my early detection and acknowledgment of the stress associated with my dental practice and my type “A” personality allowed me to make dental practice and life changes. In the final analysis, all the money and status associated with professional and business success aren’t worth ruining your health (mental or physical.)
This brings to mind a recent conversation about stress and anxiety I had with someone I’ll call Joe, who was very apprehensive and uncertain as he approached Retirement.
Joe was concerned about his uncertain future, and forging a path to retirement that would remove his worries and fears. Joe’s reference to pain and uncertainty brought to mind an interesting phenomenon that I’ve noted when traveling over the years.
When traveling I’ve felt somewhat apprehensive and stressed over the first few days of a trip. This occurred especially when traveling to an unfamiliar area or foreign country.
But as the trip progressed and each day brought new changes in location, customs, diet, and itinerary, the apprehension and stress eased as constant change became the new normal. Once “change” became the constant, then change became normal and my apprehension declined.
This has happened numerous times over my travel years, and now I embrace the apprehension and stress as part of a normal process for achieving happiness through travel. I have learned to acknowledge and accept a certain level of stress and anxiety as a pathway to eventual happiness.
My travel reality is that pain, uncertainty, and constant work initially create stress, but ultimately create happiness by acknowledging and controlling stress, and apprehension. The same holds true for the concept of having enough. Acknowledging what “enough” is in each area of work, finance, and purpose may initially involve pain, uncertainty, and work. But, as each person comes to the realization of what “enough” means in each of these areas, the pain, uncertainty, and work are replaced with happiness and contentment.
Using my experience with travel as a reference, is there a way to mediate and control stress and apprehension in life?
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Stress and Apprehension at Work
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Stressful situations at work can come from multiple directions. Research seems to indicate that decisions made under stress tend to be “knee-jerk” (direct reaction to stimuli) reactions that are much less productive. Let’s look at some common situations:
- Conflicts with co-workers– disagreements and conflicts with fellow workers can lead to high levels of stress. Constantly working in an environment of unresolved conflict can put a knot in anyone’s stomach. Your company may have a formal grievance process, but the best path in many cases may be to address the problem directly in an honest and straightforward manner. Acknowledge your own fault and work towards a pathway to resolution. Regardless of the outcome, you’ve tried your best and can let go of the stress.
- Work delegation– delegating work to others comes with a double-pronged fork. One prong is the fear that the person you appoint will fail and reflect poorly on your choice. The second prong is that the person will be wildly successful and render you irrelevant. Wisdom flows from understanding. The first step towards wisdom is developing self-awareness and self-understanding. Work delegation made wisely and thoughtfully can be done without stress when a person has faith and confidence in themselves.
- Being the “bad cop”– most people don’t like being the bearer of bad news. We tend to either be overly direct (without considering the feeling of the other person or the consequences) or very tentative by “beating around the bush.” A tried and true approach instead of “ripping off the band-aid” or “softening the blow” is the Sandwich Technique. Proper preparation using this technique is imperative as the message must contain the bad news “sandwiched” between two slices of good news or good things the worker has accomplished.
- High-risk decisions– are usually another two-pronged fork of “trust your gut” or “analyze everything.” Stress builds as impulses conflict with data gathering. The key here is to acknowledge the two sets of emotions and blend them into a better analysis of data and confirmation with management about style and direction before allowing your judgment to prevail. The two concepts of “think long- think wrong” and “a poor choice is better than no choice” don’t work!
- Defending your ideas– whether floated directly or indirectly, dogmatic defense of a position is a sure stress producer. This is another situation where self-understanding is key. Understanding why a certain stance or idea is important can help to justify or modify a dogmatic approach to a problem. Generally, management tends to frown on inflexibility.
- When to quit work– probably one of, if not the most stressful decisions while working. This very important decision was discussed in the blog titled THINKING OF QUITTING WORK, and HELP! I NEED TO QUIT WORKING FULL TIME.
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Stress and Finances
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Most of us have a lifetime love affair with the stresses associated with creating and maintaining a lifestyle. The pursuit of more than enough creates life-long stress that only grows as the finish line continually moves farther away. Unless you are the richest person in the world there will always be someone with more money, and even the “richest person in the world” status changes over time. Using money as the benchmark of success is a surefire way to ramp up stress and anxiety.
- The “money is second only to breathing” philosophy– creates a long and stressful ramp to success. Putting money ahead of faith, family, or leisure activitiest will keep your life out of true balance (See: HAPPINESS AND THE CROSS OF LIFE.) Spiritual readings teach that it is not money, but “the love of money” that is the root of all evil.
- Bankruptcy– could anything be much worse than admitting your finances are totally in disarray and your must file for legal protection against creditors?
- Foreclosure– you are “upside down” on a loan, or can’t pay notes and will be losing your home, the asset that is one of the largest sources of wealth for the average person. Both bankruptcy and foreclosure are generally avoidable events with proper financial training and implementation.
- Lack of emergency fund– small financial setbacks can create major problems when someone is not financially prepared for these events (See: DO I NEED AN EMERGENCY FUND?)
- Job loss– unexpected job loss can be devastating. This is a bad situation for anyone, and the effects can be multiplied if financially unprepared for a period without income.
- Reduced work hours– can have almost the same effect. It’s the slow “death by a thousand cuts” where the financial bleeding takes its toll over a longer period of time when income doesn’t cover expenses. Sometimes there is no best answer for an unexpected event, such as job loss or reduced work hours. Getting oneself on sound financial footing as soon as possible and developing an emergency fund will help to smooth any uneven periods of employment.
- Lack of savings– like an emergency fund a savings account can be accessed in a period of financial stress. A liquid savings account is the second line of defense (behind an emergency fund) that can protect against short-term financial setbacks.
- Debt– a large debt load is the financial Sword of Damocles sitting directly above your head with the potential to come crashing down with any financial tremor. More debt means more money diverted to debt service (payment of principal and interest), and less money available for other needs and wants. This is an individual situation and each person must determine whether they want to approach Retirement with consumer debt, or being debt-free when approaching retirement.
- Major illness or long-term care– either of these situations can translate into hundreds of thousands of dollars of expenses for long periods. Unplanned healthcare events can be a major stressor that can derail the best financial plan. Retirees should pre-plan for self-insurance or long-term care insurance.
- Taxes or government obligations– tax payments, or the lack thereof, can create a financial tidal wave. Unpaid taxes or estimated taxes can quickly become delinquent taxes with associated penalties and interest. Unpaid taxes, penalties, and interest payments can eventually spiral out of control. Sometimes retirees are unfamiliar with and or unprepared to schedule estimated tax payments when estimated taxes are no longer removed from periodic paychecks. This is another area where advanced planning and self-education will pay big dividends.
- Lack of an organized plan– can leave people unprepared and scrambling to plug leaks in a sinking financial ship without any thought about a long-term resolution or success.
- Divorce or death of a spouse– in addition to the emotional cost, death or divorce can have a significant financial cost. In many cases going from “two to one” means a decrease in income without a significant decrease in expenses. Losing a spouse or partner through death or divorce can mean loss of a second salary, loss of retirement or pension benefits, or loss of Social Security benefits. Even though expenses normally decrease, these reductions in living expenses usually remain high in relation to previous expenses. Retirement plans can be “stressed” beforehand to see how divorce or death will affect retirement plan feasibility.
- Lack of retirement funding– many people approaching retirement, realize that they are unprepared financially for retirement. Early implementation of an organized retirement plan will help to mediate this situation(See: INVESTMENT PLAN BASICS and RETIREMENT PLANS- GETTING STARTED EARLY.)
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Stress and Purpose
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Stress and anxiety seem to sneak up on many retirees and pre-retirees. Many people approaching retirement seem to think that retirement and the retirement period will be free of stress. Isn’t Retirement supposed to be the “Shangri-La” period of life? What could go wrong with a Shangri-La mindset?
- Lack of proper planning– means that one moves into retirement unprepared for the mental, financial, and emotional changes that surround retirement. Looking at the rest of your life and seeing a clear slate can be either exhilarating or anxiety provoking.
- Fear of the unknown– retirement is a new phase of life. It is not uncommon that fear, anxiety, and apprehension accompany people as they move into retirement. Some people see the retirement “glass” as being half empty instead of half full as retirement may signal a reduction in income, lifestyle, and pleasurable activities. Acknowledgment of the changes that retirement will entail and attempting to embrace these changes as soon as possible will facilitate a smoother transition into retirement.
- Financial concerns– lack of a formal Retirement Plan means that one approaches retirement without knowing (within reason) how much they are worth, how much they will spend in retirement, and how they will provide for those needs (See: HAVING A “PLAN”, THINKING OF QUITTING WORK- THE “RIGHT” NUMBER, WHAT’S YOUR NET WORTH?, DID I SPEND THAT MUCH?- ANNUAL SPENDING, AVOIDING A FINANCIAL HURRICANE BY CREATING AND UNDERSTANDING A FINANCIAL PLAN, and INVESTMENT PLAN BASICS.) Add to this the stress of living on a fixed income and you create a perfect environment for stress and anxiety. Having a well-thought-out and comprehensive Retirement Plan in place well before retirement is critical.
- Health concerns– health problems tend to increase in number and intensity with increasing age. This is coupled with potential healthcare and treatment limitations that may occur with Medicare coverage and the added expense of supplemental coverage. Health problems and insurance coverage gaps can increase stress during a stressful time. Trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle before and during retirement goes a long way toward maintaining health. Even moderate physical activity in retirement has been medically proven to be beneficial.
- Long-term care considerations– both giving or receiving long-term care and the associated costs, can create stress and anxiety. Cognitive, physical, and emotional changes can exacerbate an already stressful period. The answer lies in careful planning prior to the target age.
- Lack of purpose– laying around and doing nothing soon loses its luster. Some people mistakenly assume that they’ll “figure it out” after retiring. Although not impossible, waiting until retirement to begin planning the rest of your life may not be the best strategy. Everyone needs three things every day: something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to (See: HOW TO RETIRE WITH PURPOSE- MR SMITH.)
- Relationship issues– retired people spend much more time with their spouses after leaving the workplace. Small relationship problems may grow as couples spend more time together. Parents may realize too late that their adult children can’t spend time with them due to their own work and family commitments. Friends and co-workers become ill, disinterested, or move away and leave holes in what used to be a busy social life. Counseling, even late in life, can be beneficial.
In almost every problem situation noted above the first step in meditation begins with acknowledging and understanding that there is a problem. Realize that in the vast majority of problems, there is a solution. The obvious solution may not be the most desirable outcome, but there is usually a way through the problem to a better situation.
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Can Stress and Anxiety be Eliminated?
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It has been noted above that there are multiple ways to treat, diminish, and mediate stress, anxiety, and apprehension. But, unfortunately, I believe that stress, anxiety, and apprehension will remain either in the background or in the forefront for the rest of each person’s life. Whether stress, anxiety, and apprehensions are significant problems or merely small aggravations will depend on each person and their willingness to acknowledge, and treat stressors in their lives.
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Final Thoughts
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- Three realities of life are pain, anxiety, and constant work.
- The first and easiest step in treating pain, stress, and anxiety is to acknowledge that they are present.
- Stress and apprehension can be noted in many areas of life, such as workplace stress, financial stress, and stress associated with finding purpose in life.
- Even though there are ways to treat and mediate stress, everyone will still be faced with some level of stress, anxiety, and apprehension throughout their lives. The key to controlling these emotions is acknowledging they are present and working to minimize they are effect on daily life.
- It is not presently within our control as human beings to totally eliminate stress, anxiety, and apprehension.
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