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“You can only be who you are” – lyrics from “Be Who You Are.” -Jon Batiste (World Music Radio album.)
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Every day it seems we are reminded that there are people with “more” than we have. These people have more money, are more famous, have more friends, travel more, etc.
The list is almost endless and pointed towards helping each person realize that they have “less,” and because they have “less” they are socially, financially, emotionally, and intellectually inferior.
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In this present context of round-the-clock news and internet media filled with constant bad news and conflicts, I have decided it’s past time for some good news. I’ve taken a nod from a lyric in Jon Batiste’s World Music Radio album by titling this blog “You Can Only Be Who You Are.”
When almost everything we see and hear bears a negative connotation, it’s great to realize a final analysis indicates that we can only be who we are as humans.
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Since the inception of the Retiring With Enough blog and Podcast, I most likely have been guilty of applying pressure on pre-retirees to pre-plan and make certain they have “Purpose” in retirement. Of course, the pressure to find Purpose in retirement followed my decision to apply pressure to pre-retirees to decide when to quit Work, pressure about adequate Retirement Funds, pressure to find hobbies, and pressure to create marvelous travel plans.
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Not every person has a type “A” personality like yours truly. Not everyone plans for retirement funding, retirement hobbies, retirement purposes, and retirement travel.
And that’s ok! The pressure disappears! I want to apologize because in my excitement to help people to create a retirement that I felt would be optimal, I failed to remember that not everyone has the same vision of retirement.
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I have friends who are still working after becoming financially independent. In a previous blog (see: REACHING CONTENTMENT: EXPLORING THE MEANING OF “HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH?” ) I had a conversation with a professional who was financially able to retire, but liked his work and wanted to continue working. I am still working on a limited basis almost ten years after leaving full-time work. The takeaway here is that one size does not fit all! It’s certainly fine to continue working after the point of financial freedom. Many people enjoy their work and want to continue working. There is no right or wrong way to approach the issue of whether to work or quit working when nearing retirement. One compromise that can solve this problem is stopping work gradually (See: THE GREAT DEPARTURE: CHOOSING BETWEEN SWIFT OR GRADUAL RETIREMENT.) Work if you want to continue working. FIRE if want to and quit working early. You can only be who you are!
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Some people feel that they have over-saved for retirement, while others feel that funds dedicated to retirement are not adequate. The “over-savers” feel pressured to spend more and not “leave money on the table” when they die. Those who have under-saved feel pressured that their retirement lifestyle will be severely and permanently impacted due to their lack of adequate funds.
After consulting with varied people over the last ten years, it has become clear that the majority of retirees successfully figure out the problem of being overfunded or underfunded.
Those who are overfunded are usually savers by nature. This group does not suddenly change a philosophy forged over a lifetime and begin spending freely in retirement. Why should they feel pressured to spend more? Some people find the courage to spend more freely. Many retirees never overcome habits built over the years. Should these non-spending retirees feel badgered because they remain happily conservative, even in retirement? For those who are overfunded there are continued calls for increased spending because they have more than enough retirement funds. Over-savers unite! You have the right to live peacefully overfunded without the nagging calls to spend more. You can only be who you are!
Do the underfunded end up homeless and starving? I haven’t met any homeless retirees yet! Is being underfunded a good situation? No, being underfunded is not a good situation. But, the majority of underfunded retirees make necessary lifestyle adjustments to align with available funds. Sometimes this means unpleasant choices. In extreme cases, it may mean choosing the best of the worst available options. In many, but not all, cases retirees reach retirement underfunded because of poor choices or lack of adequate planning. A certain percentage of people retire without adequate funds due to forces outside their control (debilitating health problems or severe accidental injuries can wreck the best retirement plans.) Should this group of retirees be made to feel even worse because they’ve failed to meet some imaginary financial finish line? I can say with certainty that this group is not my group of choice, but like everyone else, they have the right to “be who you are!”
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How about retirees who decide they don’t want to travel, volunteer, garden, start new hobbies, or otherwise find some “Purpose” in retirement? Are these people relegated to the “loser’s group?” I know people who continue to work because of the fear of retiring with no plan for a “purpose” in retirement. Some people don’t enjoy the stress and hassle traveling entails. Many workers engage in work-related travel throughout their working careers and lose the desire to continue traveling after retiring. Many retirees feel that through their extended work careers, they’ve earned the right to do as little as they want to do. Some retirees feel more comfortable close to home and sleeping in their bed at night. Not everyone feels the need to check that world cruise off their bucket list. Many retirees don’t want or need a “bucket list.”
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Anyone who’s followed this podcast is aware that I am not in the group that lacks Purpose. I’m a member of the group that wants to do and experience everything. Which group is right, and which group is wrong? Is there even a right or wrong group? Why not let both groups live in peaceful co-existence without feeling like they’ve made poor choices?
As Jon Batiste stated: “You can only be who you are.”
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Final Thoughts
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This blog has been written somewhat tongue-in-cheek. Most people feel pushed or pulled at some point as a result of external pressure.
Jon Batiste’s World Music Radio album has become my new favorite workout music. His message of openness and inclusivity resonates in the current climate of negativity and critical scrutiny. Just like Jon Batiste, I feel it’s important that someone “ring the bell” for individuality and openness. I’ve felt for many years that most people have a basic core of goodness. I also have enough sense to realize that not everyone has the same needs, wants, and goals.
Over my lifetime the “noise” inside my head created by media, friends, family, or business associates has been neutralized by stepping back and re-establishing my inner center. This can accomplished by a quiet period spent in prayer, meditation, reflection, reading, journaling, etc. This blog is being written in February 2024, and next week I will attend a four-day Jesuit silent retreat at Manresa House of Retreats. My religious retreat is one of the ways I periodically re-set and re-focus.
The action of re-focusing is the most important aspect. How you accomplish this is a personal choice.
No one should ever be made to feel less important or less significant because of their personal choices. Am I saying that it’s ok to accept a lesser standard? No, I am not! Each person chooses their ultimate position in life by their choices and actions. Just because these choices may not align with my values does not make them any less valid. The function of the Retiring With Enough blog and podcast has always been to clarify and simplify the Retirement process.
Part of this process is accepting people for who they are and where they are. I kept a prayer on the bathroom mirror in my dental office. It’s a short prayer called the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
This is the rest of the prayer:
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.
reinhold niebuhr (1892-1971)
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In Jon Batiste’s World Music Radio album is another song titled “Butterfly.” The song and album brought to mind the Butterfly Effect (the butterfly effect is the idea that small things can have non-linear impacts on a complex system. The concept is imagined with a butterfly flapping its wings in one part of the world and the fluttering of the butterflies wings ultimately causing a typhoon in another part of the world.)
Jon Batiste’s lyrical and musical skill created an emotional response inside me and caused me to verbalize and memorialize how I feel. Something good he did to help people caused me to write a blog and do a podcast that will hopefully help people. These people will hopefully be motivated to help other people, who will help other people, etc. Jon Batiste’s butterfly has flapped its wings!
Look around today and take a moment to realize that we’re not that different from each other. Even if we are somewhat different, that’s ok because “you can only be who you are.”
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