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“What you don’t do determines what you can do.” – Tim Ferris
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” -Warren Buffet
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A search for quotes saying “No” yielded 1,090,000,000 results. A lot of people want to learn to say “no”, but are not quite sure how to accomplish the task.
Saying “yes” and Jacob Marley
Even though this won’t be published until later in the year, this post is being written during the Christmas season. Several days ago I listened to “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens. In the story, Dickens describes Ebenezer Scrooge’s late partner Jacob Marley as being entwined by heavy chains and money boxes forged during a lifetime of greed and selfishness.
The mental picture formed is the same as someone shackled with “yes” responses that they neither desired nor sought. All the “yes” responses form heavy weights that burden the owners, weigh them down, and prevent them from moving forward toward a better life.
Learning to say “No”
Learning to say “no” is a lifelong learning experience. We are taught as children to say “yes” with questions that prompt “yes” answers. Are you hungry?- yes, Are you a big boy/girl?- yes, Do you want to go for a ride?- yes.
As we grow the requests become more involved and complex: This weekend I know you want to be with your friends, but I would like you to clean your room. Do you want to join the sports team? If so, then your grades need to improve. The “yes” answers now involve actions that may not match our desires.
As we reach adulthood, then the “yes” answers reach maximum complexity: Your boss asks you to take on an elaborate project that will involve a great deal of time and effort that he says will be good for your career. Your wife asks you to spend an evening with someone you don’t care for. You are tapped to chair a large and complicated charity project.
These requests are not uncommon and all are easy to respond to with a “yes”. But do all of these adult requests create a knot in your stomach? Are these the things that you want to spend your time doing? Would a “no” response be more appropriate for any or all of these requests? Do you really want your boss, wife, or charity friends upset with you? Will saying “no” create occupational, marital, or social problems?
At some point, everyone needs to clarify what’s most important in their life. Is the top priority family, work, or making money? Does a short-term decision affect long-term plans and goals? Is a major life decision permanent, or can the decision be altered at a later date? The decision of what is most important will ultimately help to formulate and guide decisions that will follow. Sometimes that decision will be “No.” Learning how to make that decision, and how it will affect different phases of Life and ENOUGH is very important.
How is “No” integrated into ENOUGH?
“No” in regards to ENOUGH: Money, Mindset, and Purpose. Even though only a few examples will be listed, the lists could be virtually endless.
“No” and Money (See: INVESTMENT PLAN BASICS.)
Many financial decisions are easy to say “yes” to, even if “no “ would be the better response:
- Purchasing an unnecessary new car.
- Buying the new “hot” stock.
- Taking out a larger mortgage than necessary to purchase a bigger house than needed for your family.
- Adding a pool to your too-big house
- Delaying the initiation of a retirement plan, and delaying funding of the plan.
- Delaying or ignoring the creation of an emergency fund.
- Taking on greater investment risk than necessary.
- Ignoring “Future You” to create the best possible lifestyle for “Present You”. (See: HAVING A “PLAN”.)
- Ignoring Opportunity Cost and the Time Value of Money by making optional or unnecessary purchases instead of using these funds to create future wealth. (See: SAVING FOR RETIREMENT- OPPORTUNITY COST & TIME VALUE OF MONEY.)
- Making purchases for “wants” instead of “needs”.
“No” and Mindset (See: QUITTING WORK- THE HAMSTER WHEEL )
Many Mindset decisions are easy to say “yes” to, even if “no “ would be the better response:
- Taking on an additional project when already overwhelmed.
- Getting involved in office politics.
- Using questionable tactics to elevate your work status or position.
- Continuing to work long after being financially able to retire.
- Agreeing to a project in which there is no personal interest.
- Not agreeing to a project that could enhance career opportunities.
- Not taking the time to develop friendships with co-workers.
- No starting work early enough.
- Changing jobs too often.
- Stealing ideas from co-workers and claiming them as your ideas.
“No” and Purpose (See: RETIRING WITH PURPOSE- MR SMITH)
Many Purpose decisions are easy to say “yes” to, even if “no “ would be the better response:
- Waiting until retirement to plan retirement.
- Not having some planned activities each day.
- Not finding something that has personal meaning to you.
- Not giving yourself time to adjust to retirement.
- Immediately engaging in too many activities or over-committing time.
- Sleeping and watching television all day.
- Making every day a “pajama day.”
- Not attempting to learn any new hobbies or skills.
Any of the above “yes” decisions will delay or derail success at different phases of life. Effective decision-making is important!
Seven Steps to Effective Decision Making
According to UMass/ Dartmouth there are seven steps to effective decision-making. Decision-making is the process of making choices by identifying a decision, gathering information, and assessing alternative resolutions.
Using a step-by-step decision-making process can help you make more deliberate, thoughtful decisions by organizing relevant information and defining alternatives. This approach increases the chances that you will choose the most satisfying alternative possible.
Step 1: Identify the decision
Step 2: Gather relevant information– Collect some pertinent information before you make your decision: what information is needed, the best sources of information, and how to get it. This step involves both internal and external “work.” Some information is internal: you’ll seek it through a process of self-assessment. Other information is external: you’ll find it online, in books, from other people, and other sources.
Step 3: Identify the alternatives– As you collect information, you will probably identify several possible paths of action or alternatives. You can also use your imagination and additional information to construct new alternatives. In this step, you will list all possible and desirable alternatives
Step 4: Weigh the evidence– Draw on your information and emotions to imagine what it would be like if you carried out each of the alternatives to the end. Evaluate whether the need identified in Step 1 would be met or resolved through the use of each alternative. As you go through this difficult internal process, you’ll begin to favor certain alternatives: those that seem to have a higher potential for reaching your goal. Finally, place the alternatives in priority order, based on your value system.
Step 5: Choose among alternatives– Once you have weighed all the evidence, you are ready to select the alternative that seems to be the best one for you. You may even choose a combination of alternatives. Your choice in Step 5 may very likely be the same or similar to the alternative you placed at the top of your list at the end of Step 4.
Step 6: Take action– You’re now ready to take some positive action by beginning to implement the alternative you chose in Step 5.
Step 7: Review your decision & its consequences– In this final step, consider the results of your decision and evaluate whether or not it has resolved the need you identified in Step 1. If the decision has not met the identified need, you may want to repeat certain steps of the process to make a new decision. For example, you might want to gather more detailed or somewhat different information or explore additional alternatives.
You realize that you need to make a decision. Try to clearly define the nature of the decision you must make. This first step is very important.
Final Thoughts
- The difference between successful people and really successful people is those really successful people say no to almost everything.
- Learning to say “No” is a lifelong learning experience.
- At some point, everyone needs to clarify what’s most important in their life.
- Effective decision-making is a learned process that involves seven basic steps.
- Taking adequate time to make major decisions is time well spent.
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